Excursions into the psyche of my insanity

I'm bored. All the time. I don't know what it is really, I've got the life everyone would want, successful husband, anything I want I can have...but, I'm just bored. I was just watching Sex and the City movie again. I love Kim Cattrall's character Samantha. She's just divine. Samantha is the woman I used to be, except, not a dime to my name back in the day. I love the part where she walks in on her neighbor and he's standing buck naked in an outdoor shower. The line was terrific..."The moment Samantha met Dante, Samantha was in hell." Then, summarily goes on to gain so much weight to make sure she doesn't cheat on Smith (her boyfriend). "She eats so she won't cheat." I don't eat, which causes me to gain weight, because I don't want to come out from behind my computer desk and look at the outside world only to be reminded and remember all that I'm missing out on. The exclusive nightclubs, the fabulous people a...

I've had a long day I guess. It's one of those moments where you want toothpicks to keep your eyes open. Seems as my medication for my Thyroid is working better, I'm down 2 pounds again. Encouraging to see the weight come off. I can see the bone structure in my face better, it's not just 'fluffy'. Went through William Gibson's blog today. Interesting man. Odd though. He's the guy who coined the term "cyberspace". Funny that it takes only one person to describe the lifestyle of people all over the world. Sometimes, I wish I knew if he had thought up virtual worlds too. That's the ultimate cyberspace experience. Talking to someone half way around the world... Being a resident in cyberspace, you really don't notice much of the world around you that is outside and away from the computer. It's always "when's that next event". You always want to be a part of the "next event". You can buy a new car in...

First off...let's set this up right, so you can understand if I babble, it's because I've not slept yet. Last night I stayed up too late playing World of Warcraft. Ok, owning that bit of indulgence. I was amped to see the inauguration. So I stayed up for it. A lot of people are saying on the facebook tie-in with cnn.com video that this is a day that people will ask you where you were when it happened. I was on my couch wrapped up in a blanket, cheering for Obama and looking at Bush going "Buh-bye" in very overjoyed tones. I sat through watching the movie stars come in, and giggled a bit when I saw Dustin Hoffman and John Cusack...just thought that was way cool. But then came the Bush Blemishes...the drunkard daughters who have been a blight, right next to their father, on the image of our country. I think I might have thrown up in my mouth a bit to see those two. Just the thought of precious Sasha and Melia replacing that makes me overjoyed. Those two little ...

I found the quote...lol...I love this quote...this is where I am in my life right now. It's from Kill Bill Volume 2. It's the conversation between the infamous Bill and Beatrix Kiddo (a.k.a. "The Bride"). It's the Superhero Monologue/Conversation... Bill: As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology... The mythology is not only great, it's unique. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman....

In Uru, we have an Age called Ahnonay. When you begin the journey into this Age, you are met with a "Cathedral". You walk through the grand stone door and down a hallway of pictograms... As you link through, you go to a "watery" Ahnonay... After "watery" Ahnonay, you link through to a version of Ahnonay that is supposedly time shifted. There is thunder and lighting, mist swirls around in every crack and crevasse. Then, as you link through again, you find yourself in "Space" Ahnonay... Even again, as you link, you find another "Unfinished" Ahnonay... I remember when I first attempted the puzzle in Ahnonay. LOL...I can remember it so wonderfully, the scenery was breathtaking, the music divine...but it was like a sadistic gym coach came up with it, because the biggest thing I remember from it was, "Link, take a lap, Link, take a lap, link, take a lap". Every time you would link through the book in Ahnonay, it would take you ...

I went to see Le Rêve at the Wynn. My reaction: Now let's do some homework on this thing, which I did before the show began, via the internet on my piddly Pantech phone, while sitting in the beautiful theatre that Le Rêve plays in. (I wanted to see the run-time of the show, which I found out after sitting through the debacle, that it's an hour and a half long.) As I was putting away my phone after I dug up a little info, a really nasty and mean usher yelled at me for having my phone on. The thing takes shitty pictures, it's not like it's an iPhone or a camcorder, it's a piece of shit phone that ANYONE with a trained eye, like those ushers are supposed to have, would see. I don't know what the hell she could have been on about, besides, I don't want to tape the show, I want to watch it with my full attention, but that's another shortcoming of the Wynn in my opinion. Then again, shortsighted and rude people piss me off anyways. Anyways, let's forg...

Lots of topics to cover, from Family to Online Worlds, so I'll just get going. Let's start with May. They found a fybrocystic lump in my left breast. Fun. NOT. Tests, tests, tests, more tests. June 16th, my Uncle Bill died. The man had Parkinson's Disease. He fought it for nearly 20 years. When he died, I was angry at first. Angry at a governmental buracracy that held up research that could have improved his quality of life and given him a fighting chance to live longer. Then I came to terms with the fact that he's not suffering anymore because the Parkinson's had made his body a prison for him. I still can't pick up the teddy bear he gave me for my 6th birthday. The thing is 30 years old and has been restuffed and still, I can't pick that thing up, much less touch it, without crying. He and my Aunt Sissy were the only ones who understood and embraced my individuality. Much less to say, his death was a massive blow. 8 days later. The news hits t...

Doesn't necessarily mean it SHOULD be done. Just got back from seeing "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". Three words are all that need to be said. WHAT A DISASTER. Spoilers galore riddle this entry, so if you don't want to be spoiled, stop reading. But take it from me, have it spoiled, you'll save money that way. You know, I think that movie was just made for sheer greed purposes. I'm sitting here after seeing it and being absolutely appaled going "Got nothing". My mind is completely locked up. I can not even begin to find the words that would even start to cover the sheer and absolute dismay and disappointment I'm feeling. You know, at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy was seen riding into the sunset. They should have just left him there. There are so many times I have said, "Just because it can be done, does not mean it SHOULD be done". Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is j...

You know how everyone is always in love with a dream? If I had to write a love letter to my dream...I think it would go like this. My Love, Before I fall asleep, I see your face. When I fall asleep in your arms, I am filled with hope for tomorrow. When I wake up and see you, I think I'm still dreaming because I can't believe it's you I'm waking up next to. Every day I am grateful for you. I am grateful for the freedom you allow me, but you keep me in balance and completely fulfilled. The look in your beautiful eyes keeps me going when my heart is troubled. When I cry, you dry my eyes and take me away from my sorrows. Before I met you, my heart was so empty that if you lifted your ear to it you could have heard the ocean, but now that I have been immersed in your spirit, I come away feeling fulfilled and clean; my sorrows have been washed away by the purity of your love and strength of your heart. When I hear your voice, my spirit soars, I feel like I could fly; I ...

I don't know if I can accurately sum it all up why my heart hurts so much. First off, there is my reading about how truly horrid religion is in "The God Delusion". Then let's pile on the movie I just finished watching about Women's Sufferage in a film called "Iron Jawed Angels". Then let's cap it off with this post I found in a forum I frequent: 'Hot Chocolate' A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate. When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor ...

Now, if you've been reading me for a while now, you know that I also LOVE to read. Right now, I'm in the middle of the book "The God Delusion" by Dr. Richard Dawkins. Now it's a book about Atheism. That's right folks, here I am in Right-Wing Conservative America reading a book about Atheism. I have to tell you, it's an outright relief to know I'm not the only one who questions the nature of the universe. Growing up, I was surrounded by what I like to call "Sunday Christians". That's right, I grew up in the heart of Bible Belt Texas. The "Holier than thou" capital of the world, where billboards read "Jesus Saves" and little Christian fish adorn the back of a good majority of pick-up trucks and cars; where the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) "saves" the souls of children everywhere, teaching them that why they are so good at athletics, or why they compete is because of God. Where it's ok to be...

I spent the afternoon reading out of the Book of Ti'ana . I have to say, the Myst Reader has saved me in times of struggle. Along with Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, it provides light on things for me. D'ni Born. D'ni Bred. The Myst Reader, I think, is better than a religious text when it comes to helping me see the traits in human beings. Ok, so I'm at my desk, with the large volume open in front of me, reading about how Anna gets down into Cavern, how she learns how to speak D'ni in a short time (20 weeks if I recall correctly), how Veovis, at every single turn tries so desperately to reject Anna, while all the while Aitrus is so fascinated by her. Well, anyways, I could go on forever about the story, but when I came upon reading of Ghen's birth (Aitrus and Ti'ana's son), things became rivetingly clear to me. OK, now let's just get this straight...Aitrus was a great man, very studious, very driven, a Master of the Guild of Surveyors, then a ...

There are so many things, that over time, that I've missed about myself. My world has changed so dramatically in the last 8 years, that pieces of me have become missing. I found one piece over the last couple of days that I hadn't seen in so long. A reflection in the mirror that told me that I was completely alone. I think I can actually feel my blood turning to ice. I remember as a child being rejected and hated for who I am. That my punishment for my passion and intelligence is that I am condemned to hell for actually using it. I remember being a 13 year old, condemned to lunches in the highest room of my junior high school, looking down through the windows at all of the children who lived to hate me. Who lived to abuse me and were a constant reminder that I have no place in this world. I looked in the mirror today at my tear-streaked face. A face I haven't seen like that in close to 20 years. But the pain is so familiar, it's this void in the middle of my che...

Paved with good intentions I guess... Or could it be that the road to hell is basically what life is until you pass into the next world? I'm not sure. There is always one person in your life that you know extremely well that you feel the need to help, come hell or high water. That you love them so much and see so much limitless potential in them that you kick, scream, shout and absolutely make an ass out of yourself trying desperately to get them to see how truly special they are, even if that person does not believe it for themselves. I have one of those friends. It's hard to explain, really. I live so carefully by the expression, "Make your words kind, gentle and tasteful, for one day you may be forced to eat them." that sometimes, I don't say what I should to people. However, last night, I just couldn't hang on to the ethic I repeat to no end a bajillion times a day. I'm afraid that my friend got some not so kind or gentle sentiments from me. But whe...

I'm starting to think that my life is one long Group Therapy session. Let's catch up. For the last 5 months, I've been in World of Warcraft. I have a level 70 Night Elf Druid. In that world, I have met MORE outstanding individuals. Let's face it, where ever I seem to go, Excellence follows, and I'm not saying that out of malicious pride, I'm saying that from a point of view of that I keep meeting awesome people. Let's get down to our list of Characters in our group therapy sessions. Chris - Is dealing with Hypothyroidism, like I am, he also is dealing with most of my issues, obesity, depression, inadequacy issues, abandonment issues, suicidal tendancies but he has one that is unique to him, he gets people to hurt him physically. Cat - Is dealing with privacy and independance issues, depression and insomnia. She is also dealing with inadequacy issues as well. Nancy - Inadequacy issues, OCD and depression. I never knew that fighting monsters in an online worl...