Excursions into the psyche of my insanity

In Uru, we have an Age called Ahnonay. When you begin the journey into this Age, you are met with a "Cathedral". You walk through the grand stone door and down a hallway of pictograms... As you link through, you go to a "watery" Ahnonay... After "watery" Ahnonay, you link through to a version of Ahnonay that is supposedly time shifted. There is thunder and lighting, mist swirls around in every crack and crevasse. Then, as you link through again, you find yourself in "Space" Ahnonay... Even again, as you link, you find another "Unfinished" Ahnonay... I remember when I first attempted the puzzle in Ahnonay. LOL...I can remember it so wonderfully, the scenery was breathtaking, the music divine...but it was like a sadistic gym coach came up with it, because the biggest thing I remember from it was, "Link, take a lap, Link, take a lap, link, take a lap". Every time you would link through the book in Ahnonay, it would take you ...

I went to see Le Rêve at the Wynn. My reaction: Now let's do some homework on this thing, which I did before the show began, via the internet on my piddly Pantech phone, while sitting in the beautiful theatre that Le Rêve plays in. (I wanted to see the run-time of the show, which I found out after sitting through the debacle, that it's an hour and a half long.) As I was putting away my phone after I dug up a little info, a really nasty and mean usher yelled at me for having my phone on. The thing takes shitty pictures, it's not like it's an iPhone or a camcorder, it's a piece of shit phone that ANYONE with a trained eye, like those ushers are supposed to have, would see. I don't know what the hell she could have been on about, besides, I don't want to tape the show, I want to watch it with my full attention, but that's another shortcoming of the Wynn in my opinion. Then again, shortsighted and rude people piss me off anyways. Anyways, let's forg...

Lots of topics to cover, from Family to Online Worlds, so I'll just get going. Let's start with May. They found a fybrocystic lump in my left breast. Fun. NOT. Tests, tests, tests, more tests. June 16th, my Uncle Bill died. The man had Parkinson's Disease. He fought it for nearly 20 years. When he died, I was angry at first. Angry at a governmental buracracy that held up research that could have improved his quality of life and given him a fighting chance to live longer. Then I came to terms with the fact that he's not suffering anymore because the Parkinson's had made his body a prison for him. I still can't pick up the teddy bear he gave me for my 6th birthday. The thing is 30 years old and has been restuffed and still, I can't pick that thing up, much less touch it, without crying. He and my Aunt Sissy were the only ones who understood and embraced my individuality. Much less to say, his death was a massive blow. 8 days later. The news hits t...

Doesn't necessarily mean it SHOULD be done. Just got back from seeing "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". Three words are all that need to be said. WHAT A DISASTER. Spoilers galore riddle this entry, so if you don't want to be spoiled, stop reading. But take it from me, have it spoiled, you'll save money that way. You know, I think that movie was just made for sheer greed purposes. I'm sitting here after seeing it and being absolutely appaled going "Got nothing". My mind is completely locked up. I can not even begin to find the words that would even start to cover the sheer and absolute dismay and disappointment I'm feeling. You know, at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy was seen riding into the sunset. They should have just left him there. There are so many times I have said, "Just because it can be done, does not mean it SHOULD be done". Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is j...

You know how everyone is always in love with a dream? If I had to write a love letter to my dream...I think it would go like this. My Love, Before I fall asleep, I see your face. When I fall asleep in your arms, I am filled with hope for tomorrow. When I wake up and see you, I think I'm still dreaming because I can't believe it's you I'm waking up next to. Every day I am grateful for you. I am grateful for the freedom you allow me, but you keep me in balance and completely fulfilled. The look in your beautiful eyes keeps me going when my heart is troubled. When I cry, you dry my eyes and take me away from my sorrows. Before I met you, my heart was so empty that if you lifted your ear to it you could have heard the ocean, but now that I have been immersed in your spirit, I come away feeling fulfilled and clean; my sorrows have been washed away by the purity of your love and strength of your heart. When I hear your voice, my spirit soars, I feel like I could fly; I ...

I don't know if I can accurately sum it all up why my heart hurts so much. First off, there is my reading about how truly horrid religion is in "The God Delusion". Then let's pile on the movie I just finished watching about Women's Sufferage in a film called "Iron Jawed Angels". Then let's cap it off with this post I found in a forum I frequent: 'Hot Chocolate' A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate. When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor ...

Now, if you've been reading me for a while now, you know that I also LOVE to read. Right now, I'm in the middle of the book "The God Delusion" by Dr. Richard Dawkins. Now it's a book about Atheism. That's right folks, here I am in Right-Wing Conservative America reading a book about Atheism. I have to tell you, it's an outright relief to know I'm not the only one who questions the nature of the universe. Growing up, I was surrounded by what I like to call "Sunday Christians". That's right, I grew up in the heart of Bible Belt Texas. The "Holier than thou" capital of the world, where billboards read "Jesus Saves" and little Christian fish adorn the back of a good majority of pick-up trucks and cars; where the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) "saves" the souls of children everywhere, teaching them that why they are so good at athletics, or why they compete is because of God. Where it's ok to be...

I spent the afternoon reading out of the Book of Ti'ana . I have to say, the Myst Reader has saved me in times of struggle. Along with Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, it provides light on things for me. D'ni Born. D'ni Bred. The Myst Reader, I think, is better than a religious text when it comes to helping me see the traits in human beings. Ok, so I'm at my desk, with the large volume open in front of me, reading about how Anna gets down into Cavern, how she learns how to speak D'ni in a short time (20 weeks if I recall correctly), how Veovis, at every single turn tries so desperately to reject Anna, while all the while Aitrus is so fascinated by her. Well, anyways, I could go on forever about the story, but when I came upon reading of Ghen's birth (Aitrus and Ti'ana's son), things became rivetingly clear to me. OK, now let's just get this straight...Aitrus was a great man, very studious, very driven, a Master of the Guild of Surveyors, then a ...

There are so many things, that over time, that I've missed about myself. My world has changed so dramatically in the last 8 years, that pieces of me have become missing. I found one piece over the last couple of days that I hadn't seen in so long. A reflection in the mirror that told me that I was completely alone. I think I can actually feel my blood turning to ice. I remember as a child being rejected and hated for who I am. That my punishment for my passion and intelligence is that I am condemned to hell for actually using it. I remember being a 13 year old, condemned to lunches in the highest room of my junior high school, looking down through the windows at all of the children who lived to hate me. Who lived to abuse me and were a constant reminder that I have no place in this world. I looked in the mirror today at my tear-streaked face. A face I haven't seen like that in close to 20 years. But the pain is so familiar, it's this void in the middle of my che...

Paved with good intentions I guess... Or could it be that the road to hell is basically what life is until you pass into the next world? I'm not sure. There is always one person in your life that you know extremely well that you feel the need to help, come hell or high water. That you love them so much and see so much limitless potential in them that you kick, scream, shout and absolutely make an ass out of yourself trying desperately to get them to see how truly special they are, even if that person does not believe it for themselves. I have one of those friends. It's hard to explain, really. I live so carefully by the expression, "Make your words kind, gentle and tasteful, for one day you may be forced to eat them." that sometimes, I don't say what I should to people. However, last night, I just couldn't hang on to the ethic I repeat to no end a bajillion times a day. I'm afraid that my friend got some not so kind or gentle sentiments from me. But whe...

I'm starting to think that my life is one long Group Therapy session. Let's catch up. For the last 5 months, I've been in World of Warcraft. I have a level 70 Night Elf Druid. In that world, I have met MORE outstanding individuals. Let's face it, where ever I seem to go, Excellence follows, and I'm not saying that out of malicious pride, I'm saying that from a point of view of that I keep meeting awesome people. Let's get down to our list of Characters in our group therapy sessions. Chris - Is dealing with Hypothyroidism, like I am, he also is dealing with most of my issues, obesity, depression, inadequacy issues, abandonment issues, suicidal tendancies but he has one that is unique to him, he gets people to hurt him physically. Cat - Is dealing with privacy and independance issues, depression and insomnia. She is also dealing with inadequacy issues as well. Nancy - Inadequacy issues, OCD and depression. I never knew that fighting monsters in an online worl...

Ok, so through time, you've seen that I'm a pretty hardcore Uruite. Well, I went a step further. I bought the Myst Reader that was written by Rand and Robyn Miller with the help of David Wingrove. OMG. Just go and get it. Amazing storytelling. Reading it while I'm neck deep in-cavern is something that I never expected to be so powerful. When it describes places in the book, I already have been there so I know what it looks like. The description of the Cleft is spot on to what is in Uru, the description of the common library is a little off, but most of it is spot on. Tonight, I went into Cavern, Myst Reader in hand and looked for some of the places described in the book like K'veer and Innat, in the distance I could make out islands in the distance that according to all of the maps and research I could get my hands on were probably them. I could almost see the D'ni walking around, I could feel the breeze going through the city (thanks to my open window next to ...

I've given up on my biological immediate family. Let's face it, they are a complete joke. My birthday came and went, and well, I'm supposed to jump through hoops for my biological family, but when it comes to my day, they just politely make up excuses. Fine. I'm used to it. #36 should be no different than 34 when my mother stormed out of the house because she was pissed at my husband and was a no-show to my birthday dinner or 35 when she put on a big act in front of one of my friends (to which we later told my friend that we didn't know the person who we went to dinner with because that was most certainly NOT my mother.) Or 16, when my sister at that age got a huge party at a country club complete with an Amaretto Mousse as a second dessert besides the enormous heart-shaped chocolate cake with candied yellow roses on it made by a chef, who was at that time, the equivalent of Wolfgang Puck AND a fully paid for, brand new, fully loaded Mazda 626 which had JUST be...

Tonight, I was just perusing some stuff, checking up on the inevitable pile of BS that are the Therians. Now this time, it's not the staff that is irking me. Nah, they're pretty soupe au lait. Nothing going on there. Actually they are doing quite the bit better. Nah, this one is from the Queen of Cheap Shots, and personally, it's one of those moments where I have to go, "Keep trying, someday, you'll get it." Last Saturday marked the 3rd anniversary of me teaching at the University of There. I have lots of success stories and I receive lots of respect from doing it. It's not about respect for me though, I just love helping people and think no more of it than that. Ah, but nonetheless, what do we have, some unhappy person coming in and billing some poor guy's class that teaches what we have been teaching in my department for the last 3 years as "A Class for the Best of Us." Excuse me while I fall over laughing. Oh my God. How bourgeois...

For almost 3 years I've been amazed with the Therians. I swear, they just don't get it. Ok, why am I so cheesed off??? Let's set the way back clock for just over a year ago. The There Fashion Challenge. OMG, still pissed about that one, but let's move on. No need to rant about something so pitiful as that. Ok, so we've got the There Fun Times, and so I go look and it says we have a new fall fashion showcase. Here's where it gets bumpy. I click on the link. WTF do you think I see?????? Rehashes of all of MY stuff from the TFC!!!!!! Argyle sweaters, that I first did for Challenge 4 (the 50's). That you NEVER saw ONCE in world until I did it. But there are some right in the Fall Showcase this year. OH!! But it gets FAR FAR worse. My fall collection that I did last year? With the Leaf sweater? Well it's back, and done a little differently, but nonetheless, you never saw it before I did it. Oh, then let's just add the final insult to inj...

Life changes at a pretty dizzying rate. I finally figured out what is wrong with me and why my diet has contained anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills for the last year or so. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis is it's name. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's and I started on Synthroid this week. Much less to say, I've been bouncing off the walls with energy, I'm off of the mood meds and I'm really happy. The last month hasn't been easy. I've basically been doing my best impersonation of a pin cushion. Ultrasounds of my thyroid and my heart, blood taken, and a visit to the Rhumatologist. I go to the Endocrinologist for my first appointment with him on the day after my 36th birthday. But, I have to say, it's great to be me right now. I got Instructor #6 for my department at the UoT, we've also got a grant contest we're entering, Real Life Universities are knocking on our doors to hold classes (which I'll get paid for and accredited as a Universi...

Well, it's been two weeks, but I'm finally going to jot this one down. On June 14, well, let's just say that it WAS my sister's 21st wedding anniversary. It was her anniversary AND the day she was told she was getting divorced. I don't care who you are, that sucks. Royally. So, they (being her future EX in-laws) put my sister on a plane, and now, she lives here in Vegas. The first week was rather shaky. She cried a lot. She was freaked out, as was to be expected. The second week was pretty good, she's definitely finding her "sea legs" or shall I say, "Desert Legs". During week 2, she decided to sign up with not only eHarmony, but Match.com as well. The girl is desperate, and let me tell you, desperation is the world's worst cologne and she's covered in it. Now I have to say, my ex brother in law was a jerk. No two ways about it, but like my nephew said it, "They're both in the wrong and I'm not taking sides." You kno...

I've always been a fan of Frank Herbert's Dune Saga. I started reading the books when I was in high school. I am always fascinated by stories of ordinary human beings being transformed, by their situations, into incredible leaders. A friend of mine told me recently, "You are a superior being. You are unlike any other person I know because everything you do is outstanding and you are completely unshakable. People live in envy of those traits but they are also intimidated by them. THAT is what makes things so difficult for you." When today's events passed and the news came that two of my friends were selected for the Members Advisory Board, I thought of that clip from Dune. "Again," Stilgar says, "it is the legend". I think of the Uruites that have sat on the MAB and all of them, like Paul Atriedes, has had to conquer "The Worm"; the bias and prejudice of our adopted world. However, those of us who have come before and braved the ...

Ok, so I've been job hunting for about 3 months. In most cases, with my degree, I'm over qualified for most jobs. It's always a "We'll make sure to get in touch with you", then a nothing or a "We found someone else". It's been frustrating to say the least. So, today, I head out for a job interview at a very large company. I'm not naming names, so don't ask. I walk in, check in with the receptionist and get escorted to their graphics department which is in a large warehouse. All in all, it was a very nice place with all of the neat gagets and gizmos that are inevitably a part of what I do as a graphic artist. Well, I come in and the staffer greets me, then she says, "hold on a sec, I'll be right back". She then gives me an 8 page test. EIGHT PAGES! I felt like I was requalifying and taking my final exam in Graphic Design School!!! Questions like: "What is the difference between a raster image and a vector image...