Just because it can be done...
Doesn't necessarily mean it SHOULD be done.
Just got back from seeing "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull".
Three words are all that need to be said.
WHAT A DISASTER.
Spoilers galore riddle this entry, so if you don't want to be spoiled, stop reading. But take it from me, have it spoiled, you'll save money that way.
You know, I think that movie was just made for sheer greed purposes. I'm sitting here after seeing it and being absolutely appaled going "Got nothing". My mind is completely locked up. I can not even begin to find the words that would even start to cover the sheer and absolute dismay and disappointment I'm feeling.
You know, at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy was seen riding into the sunset. They should have just left him there. There are so many times I have said, "Just because it can be done, does not mean it SHOULD be done". Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is just that, something that SHOULD NOT have been done.
I mean, I don't know what's worse...a really BAD Brando impersonation by Shia LeBouf, who played the EXACT same character he did in Transformers, another horrible film, but you've got to give it to the kid, he played well next to Harrison Ford...ok, wait, who CAN'T be good next to Harrison Ford? I mean, Harrison Ford is THE MAN. He's the man behind so many iconic characters...dude, you can never go wrong with Harrison Ford. But Shia, dude...I just can't even begin to describe how NOT necessary he was in the film outside of the fact that he did all of the fight scenes instead of Harrison Ford stepping up to do them, which I have to say, Harrison, way to go man, let the kid get his ass kicked, you just keep driving the car. OR (getting back to the what's worse) Karen Allen not being featured through the roof in the film. I wanted to see more Marion! She was the kick-ass babe to Indy's bungling professor in Raiders...why in HELL was her character not pushed to the point where she was in Raiders? She never even threw a punch! That's SO not using the character of Marion to it's fullest. Instead they shove Shia down our throats. UGH! If Lucas had really wanted to just go off the deep end, he should have just put Harrison Ford in a Darth Vader costume as he and Shia's character find out that Indy is Mutt's father.
Now, let's just add more fuel to the fire, because I'm pissed I actually spent money to go see this film. First, I dispise Spielberg. He spent the majority of the first and third Indy films villifying Germans, he makes Schindler's List, who he singles out ONE German guy as the only German who didn't agree with Hitler's Final Solution. OK DUDE! Tell that to my Grandfather who hid in haylofts during World War II because he didn't want to fight for Hitler and didn't agree with the politics of the time. My Grandfather, a born and raised Lutheran German, was chased by the SS during World War II because he wouldn't fight and kill Jews. Ok, so I vowed a long time ago NEVER to go and see a movie made by Spielberg ever again. OMG, I'm so mad at myself for actually PAYING money to see this because of the director alone. But NOOOO, my husband just had to see it.
Second, OK, they fucked up a perfectly good thing. Now, after I got out of the theatre and started having it sink into my head how bad the film sucked, it really started to bother me SEVERELY that they could put Indy a.) in a nuclear blast, which had NOTHING to do with the plot, in which Indy survives the blast in a lead-lined refrigerator (ok folks, he should be dead, if not dead, then covered with radiation sickness and pustules from radiation burns.) b.) actually having the iconic Fedora, Leather Jacket and Bullwhip standing in front of a very "50's" poorly detailed, poorly imagined, flying saucer.
My face crinkled. It was one of those moments where your eyebrows knit and you just have this mystified look on your face like, "What the fuck just happened?". Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks...
Indiana Jones, now let's review what he does, he's an archeologist...ok, that has to do with the study of human cultures...(when the FUCK did ET become human?), he has gone through and dealt with Biblical Egypt (Raiders), Indian Cultures (Temple of Doom) and gone back to biblical with the quest for the Holy Grail in Last Crusade. Now when the hell did any of this NOT have to do with some sort of religionism? We're now including the very outlandish astrologer culture of Aliens??? What the FUCK!!!
Then it hit me...I had to somehow equate this to what I have seen in my life. Maybe something that I have had contact with could help me digest what I had just seen... First thought...Cavern. That's right, Uru and the Myst Books. All of it has to do with Archeology, the study of a lost culture. This Indy movie is the equivalent of Rand and Robyn Miller deciding to put extra-terrestrials in the middle of Kerath's Arch. DUDE!!! IT DOES NOT WORK! Not on any level!!! Ludicrous is the only adjective I can come up with to even begin to digest the HORSESHIT that I just paid $20 to see.
Then there were gaping plot holes that were as bad as Montreal pot-holes...you actually wanted to yell "HOLE" and try to swerve to avoid them. First, Indy gets harrassed by the FBI, where he is told that he is of GREAT INTEREST to the FBI, but then the Fucking Ballbusting Imbicile squad and that whole piece of plot (which I didn't mind seeing it go by the wayside because it was THAT stupid and the characters involved THAT annoying) magically goes away. DUDE! It's called "leave that whole part on the cutting room floor"! It would have saved 20 minutes out of the 2 hours and change I sat there getting ripped off! THEN! Communism was our bad guy right? OK, not even oppressive enough to remind you of the apprehension that was associated with Communism for so long. It was never even fully explained WHY the communists were our bad guy, except for the numerous McCarthy-style paranoia bits that were so poorly shown by the characters...we just half-heartedly focused on Cate Blanchett's character as the person who really wanted the "treasure" at the end. It had nothing to do with communism except the diatribe she goes on about for about 10 minutes of the film where she says, "We'll have our ideas put into your heads". Who's ideas? Who's the bad guy again?
But let's just put the cherry on the cake...Cate Blanchett...ok, can't even imagine what the hell the screenwriters were thinking with that character...she wasn't even interesting enough to hold my attention, and I had to remind myself that she was even in it. Yeah, she showed that she can do an accent, but between the hair, the really goofy "psychic powers" plot and everything else, she just absolutely was not necessary in the film...her sidekick was even more interesting than she was. We're all used to Cate Blanchett in unforgettable roles. She's a PHENOMENAL actress...she was the lady who did the film "Elizabeth" and did it well! I LOVED the movie "Elizabeth" and poor Cate has been cast as a pathetic character in the WORST movie of the summer of 2008. I actually feel sorry for her that she had to go through making this picture.
Let's get back to the bad guys...Communism. Ok, the wall fell, Communism is over. I mean, in the original Indy films, the Third Reich is the ultimate bad guy, no matter how I feel about Spielberg, I mean the politics of WWII Germany were a malicious thing, it was a great bad guy...but communists??? Come on! Give me a break here! You know, I could have gone the rest of my life without having to sit through McCarthy-induced paranoia about something that is dead and gone; and that most people have forgotten about.
Hell, we all remember McCarthy and his horseshit, which was exactly that, HORSESHIT. Why in hell an Icon like Indiana Jones would have to sit through that and be reminded of it along with the rest of the world is beyond me.
Could have gone the rest of my life without the Prairie Dogs, the Monkeys and Shia doing his best impersonation of Tarzan. I thought it was genius to have Shia do all of the fight scenes because it's just wrong to hit an old man.
But in all things...PLEASE...if you have not been to see it, SAVE YOUR MONEY. Spend it on a nice dinner...buy yourself a CD or a Raiders of the Lost Ark DVD...you'll at least get your money's worth with that.
I don't know where the hell the Genius part of George Lucas went. It definitely showed that he was involved because of the "Diner Scene" which is in every Lucas film...however, he was involved in the writing of the Screenplay of Crystal Skull. George!!! What were you thinking man???
So in the end...I have to say a few positive things...the way I justified the $20 to myself was that the film is Karen Allen's retirement fund. Give generously, she deserves it because she got HOSED by the screenwriters. She most certainly could have done a far better job than Kate Capshaw in Temple of Doom, and she is definitely the only HIGHLIGHT of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Karen, babe, you rock. Sorry you had to get hosed like that.
But then again, that's just me of course.
Just got back from seeing "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull".
Three words are all that need to be said.
WHAT A DISASTER.
Spoilers galore riddle this entry, so if you don't want to be spoiled, stop reading. But take it from me, have it spoiled, you'll save money that way.
You know, I think that movie was just made for sheer greed purposes. I'm sitting here after seeing it and being absolutely appaled going "Got nothing". My mind is completely locked up. I can not even begin to find the words that would even start to cover the sheer and absolute dismay and disappointment I'm feeling.
You know, at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy was seen riding into the sunset. They should have just left him there. There are so many times I have said, "Just because it can be done, does not mean it SHOULD be done". Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is just that, something that SHOULD NOT have been done.
I mean, I don't know what's worse...a really BAD Brando impersonation by Shia LeBouf, who played the EXACT same character he did in Transformers, another horrible film, but you've got to give it to the kid, he played well next to Harrison Ford...ok, wait, who CAN'T be good next to Harrison Ford? I mean, Harrison Ford is THE MAN. He's the man behind so many iconic characters...dude, you can never go wrong with Harrison Ford. But Shia, dude...I just can't even begin to describe how NOT necessary he was in the film outside of the fact that he did all of the fight scenes instead of Harrison Ford stepping up to do them, which I have to say, Harrison, way to go man, let the kid get his ass kicked, you just keep driving the car. OR (getting back to the what's worse) Karen Allen not being featured through the roof in the film. I wanted to see more Marion! She was the kick-ass babe to Indy's bungling professor in Raiders...why in HELL was her character not pushed to the point where she was in Raiders? She never even threw a punch! That's SO not using the character of Marion to it's fullest. Instead they shove Shia down our throats. UGH! If Lucas had really wanted to just go off the deep end, he should have just put Harrison Ford in a Darth Vader costume as he and Shia's character find out that Indy is Mutt's father.
Now, let's just add more fuel to the fire, because I'm pissed I actually spent money to go see this film. First, I dispise Spielberg. He spent the majority of the first and third Indy films villifying Germans, he makes Schindler's List, who he singles out ONE German guy as the only German who didn't agree with Hitler's Final Solution. OK DUDE! Tell that to my Grandfather who hid in haylofts during World War II because he didn't want to fight for Hitler and didn't agree with the politics of the time. My Grandfather, a born and raised Lutheran German, was chased by the SS during World War II because he wouldn't fight and kill Jews. Ok, so I vowed a long time ago NEVER to go and see a movie made by Spielberg ever again. OMG, I'm so mad at myself for actually PAYING money to see this because of the director alone. But NOOOO, my husband just had to see it.
Second, OK, they fucked up a perfectly good thing. Now, after I got out of the theatre and started having it sink into my head how bad the film sucked, it really started to bother me SEVERELY that they could put Indy a.) in a nuclear blast, which had NOTHING to do with the plot, in which Indy survives the blast in a lead-lined refrigerator (ok folks, he should be dead, if not dead, then covered with radiation sickness and pustules from radiation burns.) b.) actually having the iconic Fedora, Leather Jacket and Bullwhip standing in front of a very "50's" poorly detailed, poorly imagined, flying saucer.
My face crinkled. It was one of those moments where your eyebrows knit and you just have this mystified look on your face like, "What the fuck just happened?". Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks...
Indiana Jones, now let's review what he does, he's an archeologist...ok, that has to do with the study of human cultures...(when the FUCK did ET become human?), he has gone through and dealt with Biblical Egypt (Raiders), Indian Cultures (Temple of Doom) and gone back to biblical with the quest for the Holy Grail in Last Crusade. Now when the hell did any of this NOT have to do with some sort of religionism? We're now including the very outlandish astrologer culture of Aliens??? What the FUCK!!!
Then it hit me...I had to somehow equate this to what I have seen in my life. Maybe something that I have had contact with could help me digest what I had just seen... First thought...Cavern. That's right, Uru and the Myst Books. All of it has to do with Archeology, the study of a lost culture. This Indy movie is the equivalent of Rand and Robyn Miller deciding to put extra-terrestrials in the middle of Kerath's Arch. DUDE!!! IT DOES NOT WORK! Not on any level!!! Ludicrous is the only adjective I can come up with to even begin to digest the HORSESHIT that I just paid $20 to see.
Then there were gaping plot holes that were as bad as Montreal pot-holes...you actually wanted to yell "HOLE" and try to swerve to avoid them. First, Indy gets harrassed by the FBI, where he is told that he is of GREAT INTEREST to the FBI, but then the Fucking Ballbusting Imbicile squad and that whole piece of plot (which I didn't mind seeing it go by the wayside because it was THAT stupid and the characters involved THAT annoying) magically goes away. DUDE! It's called "leave that whole part on the cutting room floor"! It would have saved 20 minutes out of the 2 hours and change I sat there getting ripped off! THEN! Communism was our bad guy right? OK, not even oppressive enough to remind you of the apprehension that was associated with Communism for so long. It was never even fully explained WHY the communists were our bad guy, except for the numerous McCarthy-style paranoia bits that were so poorly shown by the characters...we just half-heartedly focused on Cate Blanchett's character as the person who really wanted the "treasure" at the end. It had nothing to do with communism except the diatribe she goes on about for about 10 minutes of the film where she says, "We'll have our ideas put into your heads". Who's ideas? Who's the bad guy again?
But let's just put the cherry on the cake...Cate Blanchett...ok, can't even imagine what the hell the screenwriters were thinking with that character...she wasn't even interesting enough to hold my attention, and I had to remind myself that she was even in it. Yeah, she showed that she can do an accent, but between the hair, the really goofy "psychic powers" plot and everything else, she just absolutely was not necessary in the film...her sidekick was even more interesting than she was. We're all used to Cate Blanchett in unforgettable roles. She's a PHENOMENAL actress...she was the lady who did the film "Elizabeth" and did it well! I LOVED the movie "Elizabeth" and poor Cate has been cast as a pathetic character in the WORST movie of the summer of 2008. I actually feel sorry for her that she had to go through making this picture.
Let's get back to the bad guys...Communism. Ok, the wall fell, Communism is over. I mean, in the original Indy films, the Third Reich is the ultimate bad guy, no matter how I feel about Spielberg, I mean the politics of WWII Germany were a malicious thing, it was a great bad guy...but communists??? Come on! Give me a break here! You know, I could have gone the rest of my life without having to sit through McCarthy-induced paranoia about something that is dead and gone; and that most people have forgotten about.
Hell, we all remember McCarthy and his horseshit, which was exactly that, HORSESHIT. Why in hell an Icon like Indiana Jones would have to sit through that and be reminded of it along with the rest of the world is beyond me.
Could have gone the rest of my life without the Prairie Dogs, the Monkeys and Shia doing his best impersonation of Tarzan. I thought it was genius to have Shia do all of the fight scenes because it's just wrong to hit an old man.
But in all things...PLEASE...if you have not been to see it, SAVE YOUR MONEY. Spend it on a nice dinner...buy yourself a CD or a Raiders of the Lost Ark DVD...you'll at least get your money's worth with that.
I don't know where the hell the Genius part of George Lucas went. It definitely showed that he was involved because of the "Diner Scene" which is in every Lucas film...however, he was involved in the writing of the Screenplay of Crystal Skull. George!!! What were you thinking man???
So in the end...I have to say a few positive things...the way I justified the $20 to myself was that the film is Karen Allen's retirement fund. Give generously, she deserves it because she got HOSED by the screenwriters. She most certainly could have done a far better job than Kate Capshaw in Temple of Doom, and she is definitely the only HIGHLIGHT of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Karen, babe, you rock. Sorry you had to get hosed like that.
But then again, that's just me of course.
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