Desperate need for excitement...
I'm bored. All the time. I don't know what it is really, I've got the life everyone would want, successful husband, anything I want I can have...but, I'm just bored.
I was just watching Sex and the City movie again. I love Kim Cattrall's character Samantha. She's just divine. Samantha is the woman I used to be, except, not a dime to my name back in the day. I love the part where she walks in on her neighbor and he's standing buck naked in an outdoor shower. The line was terrific..."The moment Samantha met Dante, Samantha was in hell." Then, summarily goes on to gain so much weight to make sure she doesn't cheat on Smith (her boyfriend). "She eats so she won't cheat."
I don't eat, which causes me to gain weight, because I don't want to come out from behind my computer desk and look at the outside world only to be reminded and remember all that I'm missing out on. The exclusive nightclubs, the fabulous people and being beautiful in the middle of it all. Grant it, I wouldn't have a degree like I do now or be one of the subjects of a forthcoming book if I'd have turned down my husband's proposal, but in some ways, I still look back and say, "Gee, I do miss it." I miss being thin and beautiful, I miss that gutsy decisiveness that I used to have. I played by my own rules. I never had to justify anything to anyone. I was free. In a sense. There were problems with being single, like not enough money to live alone, but when it came down to it, I was as free as I could be given the circumstances I had.
I guess it's the Samantha in me. I miss the wide variety of men who walked in and out my door. The one I dumped because he called too much, the wealthy ones who I had to force to talk to my face even though they offered to take me (and my breasts) to exotic locales and buy me beautiful things. That was the thing though, I couldn't be bought. My parents tried that, they thought they could neglect us all the time and then buy our affections with a lavish weekly shopping trip to the local mall. I didn't want to be bought, I just wanted to be loved. For brief moments, I was loved, then got bored and tossed it out the window to find something new and exciting.
My husband says the Chinese have a curse: "May you live in interesting times..." That's a curse? You've got to be shitting me. When things are interesting, whether they be drama or a new lover or a bad breakup, at least you're reminded you are alive! That you are a breathing, ass-kicking human being that is taking part in the world. That even though things may not be the smoothest in the world, at least it's worth waking up for so you can see what happens next! If you want a real curse, "May you get married and your life be boring as all hell." THAT is a curse. At least, living in interesting times will make sure that your brain doesn't rot from boredom or lack of stimulation.
I'm bored as all hell. I've got the computer, or I've got sleep, that's my two options. Oh yes, I could clean the house...but it'd just get messed up again.
Ya know, I'm convinced the idea of marriage was thought up by a man. Only men could be so sadistic to make women subservient and bored as all hell. Then it was programmed into the psyche of all women so that mothers could pressure their daughters into sacrificing their mortal souls to boredom. Girls dream of a beautiful wedding, but they are never told to ask the one question that matters, "What happens afterwards?" Kids? Oh yes, another boredom mechanism to enslave women. I don't deal with children. I'll teach them, fine, but hi, not going anywhere near the diapers and bullshit that comes with raising a kid. Besides, it's cruel to bring a child into the world. Children are mean, vindictive and malicious. My childhood was hard enough to convince me that childhood is something you survive, not something to relish.
But really, what DOES happen after the beautiful wedding and the big white dress? It's the same shit that happened before you got married, only, guess what, when you've taken all you can stand, you can't just say, "See ya loser...", you're stuck, trapped in a legal and binding contract that takes expensive lawyers to disentangle you from. You get to wake up next to the same smelly slob day, after day, after day after day, year after year, after boring ass year. Then you realize, "what the hell did I see in this guy in the first place??" The novelty of "how they are careless they are with where they put the mail" wears off really quick.
But then you realize how gilded your cage really is. That the fact that you've been waking up next to that same smelly slob day after day has become a deadly habit, not unlike a cigarette, your best friend and safety net who pays the bills and lets you do whatever you want. Then you realize how trapped you really are and that no amount of money, no amount of anything will ever get you free. When they say "Till death do you part", they mean it. The minute you say "I do", guess what, you just signed your death certificate because you're going to die miserable and bored having to step up and eat that same bowl of corn flakes, day after day, after day.
Adulthood and independence are the real thing women should be looking for. At least then, with independence in hand, they can make real decisions and live very interesting lives and not be bored to the teeth waiting for their husbands to show up from their 15 hour workdays, then argue with you how they're not neglecting you by working so much.
"May you live in interesting times"...that's a curse I can live with.
I was just watching Sex and the City movie again. I love Kim Cattrall's character Samantha. She's just divine. Samantha is the woman I used to be, except, not a dime to my name back in the day. I love the part where she walks in on her neighbor and he's standing buck naked in an outdoor shower. The line was terrific..."The moment Samantha met Dante, Samantha was in hell." Then, summarily goes on to gain so much weight to make sure she doesn't cheat on Smith (her boyfriend). "She eats so she won't cheat."
I don't eat, which causes me to gain weight, because I don't want to come out from behind my computer desk and look at the outside world only to be reminded and remember all that I'm missing out on. The exclusive nightclubs, the fabulous people and being beautiful in the middle of it all. Grant it, I wouldn't have a degree like I do now or be one of the subjects of a forthcoming book if I'd have turned down my husband's proposal, but in some ways, I still look back and say, "Gee, I do miss it." I miss being thin and beautiful, I miss that gutsy decisiveness that I used to have. I played by my own rules. I never had to justify anything to anyone. I was free. In a sense. There were problems with being single, like not enough money to live alone, but when it came down to it, I was as free as I could be given the circumstances I had.
I guess it's the Samantha in me. I miss the wide variety of men who walked in and out my door. The one I dumped because he called too much, the wealthy ones who I had to force to talk to my face even though they offered to take me (and my breasts) to exotic locales and buy me beautiful things. That was the thing though, I couldn't be bought. My parents tried that, they thought they could neglect us all the time and then buy our affections with a lavish weekly shopping trip to the local mall. I didn't want to be bought, I just wanted to be loved. For brief moments, I was loved, then got bored and tossed it out the window to find something new and exciting.
My husband says the Chinese have a curse: "May you live in interesting times..." That's a curse? You've got to be shitting me. When things are interesting, whether they be drama or a new lover or a bad breakup, at least you're reminded you are alive! That you are a breathing, ass-kicking human being that is taking part in the world. That even though things may not be the smoothest in the world, at least it's worth waking up for so you can see what happens next! If you want a real curse, "May you get married and your life be boring as all hell." THAT is a curse. At least, living in interesting times will make sure that your brain doesn't rot from boredom or lack of stimulation.
I'm bored as all hell. I've got the computer, or I've got sleep, that's my two options. Oh yes, I could clean the house...but it'd just get messed up again.
Ya know, I'm convinced the idea of marriage was thought up by a man. Only men could be so sadistic to make women subservient and bored as all hell. Then it was programmed into the psyche of all women so that mothers could pressure their daughters into sacrificing their mortal souls to boredom. Girls dream of a beautiful wedding, but they are never told to ask the one question that matters, "What happens afterwards?" Kids? Oh yes, another boredom mechanism to enslave women. I don't deal with children. I'll teach them, fine, but hi, not going anywhere near the diapers and bullshit that comes with raising a kid. Besides, it's cruel to bring a child into the world. Children are mean, vindictive and malicious. My childhood was hard enough to convince me that childhood is something you survive, not something to relish.
But really, what DOES happen after the beautiful wedding and the big white dress? It's the same shit that happened before you got married, only, guess what, when you've taken all you can stand, you can't just say, "See ya loser...", you're stuck, trapped in a legal and binding contract that takes expensive lawyers to disentangle you from. You get to wake up next to the same smelly slob day, after day, after day after day, year after year, after boring ass year. Then you realize, "what the hell did I see in this guy in the first place??" The novelty of "how they are careless they are with where they put the mail" wears off really quick.
But then you realize how gilded your cage really is. That the fact that you've been waking up next to that same smelly slob day after day has become a deadly habit, not unlike a cigarette, your best friend and safety net who pays the bills and lets you do whatever you want. Then you realize how trapped you really are and that no amount of money, no amount of anything will ever get you free. When they say "Till death do you part", they mean it. The minute you say "I do", guess what, you just signed your death certificate because you're going to die miserable and bored having to step up and eat that same bowl of corn flakes, day after day, after day.
Adulthood and independence are the real thing women should be looking for. At least then, with independence in hand, they can make real decisions and live very interesting lives and not be bored to the teeth waiting for their husbands to show up from their 15 hour workdays, then argue with you how they're not neglecting you by working so much.
"May you live in interesting times"...that's a curse I can live with.
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