The Road to Hell is always...
Paved with good intentions I guess...
Or could it be that the road to hell is basically what life is until you pass into the next world?
I'm not sure.
There is always one person in your life that you know extremely well that you feel the need to help, come hell or high water. That you love them so much and see so much limitless potential in them that you kick, scream, shout and absolutely make an ass out of yourself trying desperately to get them to see how truly special they are, even if that person does not believe it for themselves.
I have one of those friends.
It's hard to explain, really. I live so carefully by the expression, "Make your words kind, gentle and tasteful, for one day you may be forced to eat them." that sometimes, I don't say what I should to people. However, last night, I just couldn't hang on to the ethic I repeat to no end a bajillion times a day.
I'm afraid that my friend got some not so kind or gentle sentiments from me.
But when you see so much in them and you know how much they are worth, even when they don't believe it themselves and you love them so much that you become willing to hurt yourself by hurting them by giving them the two ton baseball bat upside the head that says, "Wake up!".
The problem in that is, as the individual who wrote the line for Tom Hanks in "You've Got Mail" said, "When you say exactly what is on your mind at the exact moment you want to say it, guilt inevitably follows."
My friends will swear up and down that I would never break out the two ton baseball bat and say something unless it were true, unless it was direly called for. That someone needed a kick in the pants so badly that it would be a crime not to do it. That by NOT doing it, you could possibly be closing a door for them that you, in fact, SHOULD be opening as a friend and as someone who loves them.
But after you do it, here comes the guilt. My conscience has become a very brutal bastard to me today. I'm going down an absolute shame spiral for kicking my friend in the pants even though, deep down in my heart I knew it had to be done. I know that they needed it desperately, but oh God, the silence from my friend today has been deafening.
My conscience has become a two ton elephant sitting on my chest. It's not letting me rest or relax until I know at the least my friend has a pulse and is breathing.
I came down on them hard. I did, with meaning and purpose, and I would have never done it if they hadn't needed it in the first place. But the difference here is that I did not say anything that was meant with malicious intent. Maliciousness and pridefulness are two things I can not bear to do. If I was going to be mean, I would have let them continue down the road they are/were on. I can't bear to see one of my friends on a path that will lead them nowhere. So really, all my intentions were good, it's just that I guess that how they perceive and interpret the information is a totally different animal. I don't know how they are interpreting and assimilating what I told them. I think that is what is assisting the Guilt Elephant sitting on my chest.
So, here I sit, in an absolute Guilt Hell, waiting with baited breath to hear from them.
A good friend of mine has been with me through this, and she said, "Don't Panic, wait it out, after a few days, we'll give him a call at home to make sure he's alright."
I sat on my hands today, just absolutely dying inside waiting to hear from my friend...and while I wait, I guess I'll make friends with my Guilt Elephant. It's going to be here for a while.
So who knows, if my friend doesn't talk to me again, maybe all of my good intentions have cut me off from someone I adore and have sent me straight to hell.
However, if he does something with it. OH GOD, I hope he does something with it and comes back to me someday and thanks me, then maybe I'll get some redemption.
Or could it be that the road to hell is basically what life is until you pass into the next world?
I'm not sure.
There is always one person in your life that you know extremely well that you feel the need to help, come hell or high water. That you love them so much and see so much limitless potential in them that you kick, scream, shout and absolutely make an ass out of yourself trying desperately to get them to see how truly special they are, even if that person does not believe it for themselves.
I have one of those friends.
It's hard to explain, really. I live so carefully by the expression, "Make your words kind, gentle and tasteful, for one day you may be forced to eat them." that sometimes, I don't say what I should to people. However, last night, I just couldn't hang on to the ethic I repeat to no end a bajillion times a day.
I'm afraid that my friend got some not so kind or gentle sentiments from me.
But when you see so much in them and you know how much they are worth, even when they don't believe it themselves and you love them so much that you become willing to hurt yourself by hurting them by giving them the two ton baseball bat upside the head that says, "Wake up!".
The problem in that is, as the individual who wrote the line for Tom Hanks in "You've Got Mail" said, "When you say exactly what is on your mind at the exact moment you want to say it, guilt inevitably follows."
My friends will swear up and down that I would never break out the two ton baseball bat and say something unless it were true, unless it was direly called for. That someone needed a kick in the pants so badly that it would be a crime not to do it. That by NOT doing it, you could possibly be closing a door for them that you, in fact, SHOULD be opening as a friend and as someone who loves them.
But after you do it, here comes the guilt. My conscience has become a very brutal bastard to me today. I'm going down an absolute shame spiral for kicking my friend in the pants even though, deep down in my heart I knew it had to be done. I know that they needed it desperately, but oh God, the silence from my friend today has been deafening.
My conscience has become a two ton elephant sitting on my chest. It's not letting me rest or relax until I know at the least my friend has a pulse and is breathing.
I came down on them hard. I did, with meaning and purpose, and I would have never done it if they hadn't needed it in the first place. But the difference here is that I did not say anything that was meant with malicious intent. Maliciousness and pridefulness are two things I can not bear to do. If I was going to be mean, I would have let them continue down the road they are/were on. I can't bear to see one of my friends on a path that will lead them nowhere. So really, all my intentions were good, it's just that I guess that how they perceive and interpret the information is a totally different animal. I don't know how they are interpreting and assimilating what I told them. I think that is what is assisting the Guilt Elephant sitting on my chest.
So, here I sit, in an absolute Guilt Hell, waiting with baited breath to hear from them.
A good friend of mine has been with me through this, and she said, "Don't Panic, wait it out, after a few days, we'll give him a call at home to make sure he's alright."
I sat on my hands today, just absolutely dying inside waiting to hear from my friend...and while I wait, I guess I'll make friends with my Guilt Elephant. It's going to be here for a while.
So who knows, if my friend doesn't talk to me again, maybe all of my good intentions have cut me off from someone I adore and have sent me straight to hell.
However, if he does something with it. OH GOD, I hope he does something with it and comes back to me someday and thanks me, then maybe I'll get some redemption.
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