Excursions into the psyche of my insanity

Ok, so through time, you've seen that I'm a pretty hardcore Uruite. Well, I went a step further. I bought the Myst Reader that was written by Rand and Robyn Miller with the help of David Wingrove. OMG. Just go and get it. Amazing storytelling. Reading it while I'm neck deep in-cavern is something that I never expected to be so powerful. When it describes places in the book, I already have been there so I know what it looks like. The description of the Cleft is spot on to what is in Uru, the description of the common library is a little off, but most of it is spot on. Tonight, I went into Cavern, Myst Reader in hand and looked for some of the places described in the book like K'veer and Innat, in the distance I could make out islands in the distance that according to all of the maps and research I could get my hands on were probably them. I could almost see the D'ni walking around, I could feel the breeze going through the city (thanks to my open window next to ...

I've given up on my biological immediate family. Let's face it, they are a complete joke. My birthday came and went, and well, I'm supposed to jump through hoops for my biological family, but when it comes to my day, they just politely make up excuses. Fine. I'm used to it. #36 should be no different than 34 when my mother stormed out of the house because she was pissed at my husband and was a no-show to my birthday dinner or 35 when she put on a big act in front of one of my friends (to which we later told my friend that we didn't know the person who we went to dinner with because that was most certainly NOT my mother.) Or 16, when my sister at that age got a huge party at a country club complete with an Amaretto Mousse as a second dessert besides the enormous heart-shaped chocolate cake with candied yellow roses on it made by a chef, who was at that time, the equivalent of Wolfgang Puck AND a fully paid for, brand new, fully loaded Mazda 626 which had JUST be...

Tonight, I was just perusing some stuff, checking up on the inevitable pile of BS that are the Therians. Now this time, it's not the staff that is irking me. Nah, they're pretty soupe au lait. Nothing going on there. Actually they are doing quite the bit better. Nah, this one is from the Queen of Cheap Shots, and personally, it's one of those moments where I have to go, "Keep trying, someday, you'll get it." Last Saturday marked the 3rd anniversary of me teaching at the University of There. I have lots of success stories and I receive lots of respect from doing it. It's not about respect for me though, I just love helping people and think no more of it than that. Ah, but nonetheless, what do we have, some unhappy person coming in and billing some poor guy's class that teaches what we have been teaching in my department for the last 3 years as "A Class for the Best of Us." Excuse me while I fall over laughing. Oh my God. How bourgeois...

For almost 3 years I've been amazed with the Therians. I swear, they just don't get it. Ok, why am I so cheesed off??? Let's set the way back clock for just over a year ago. The There Fashion Challenge. OMG, still pissed about that one, but let's move on. No need to rant about something so pitiful as that. Ok, so we've got the There Fun Times, and so I go look and it says we have a new fall fashion showcase. Here's where it gets bumpy. I click on the link. WTF do you think I see?????? Rehashes of all of MY stuff from the TFC!!!!!! Argyle sweaters, that I first did for Challenge 4 (the 50's). That you NEVER saw ONCE in world until I did it. But there are some right in the Fall Showcase this year. OH!! But it gets FAR FAR worse. My fall collection that I did last year? With the Leaf sweater? Well it's back, and done a little differently, but nonetheless, you never saw it before I did it. Oh, then let's just add the final insult to inj...

Life changes at a pretty dizzying rate. I finally figured out what is wrong with me and why my diet has contained anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills for the last year or so. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis is it's name. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's and I started on Synthroid this week. Much less to say, I've been bouncing off the walls with energy, I'm off of the mood meds and I'm really happy. The last month hasn't been easy. I've basically been doing my best impersonation of a pin cushion. Ultrasounds of my thyroid and my heart, blood taken, and a visit to the Rhumatologist. I go to the Endocrinologist for my first appointment with him on the day after my 36th birthday. But, I have to say, it's great to be me right now. I got Instructor #6 for my department at the UoT, we've also got a grant contest we're entering, Real Life Universities are knocking on our doors to hold classes (which I'll get paid for and accredited as a Universi...

Well, it's been two weeks, but I'm finally going to jot this one down. On June 14, well, let's just say that it WAS my sister's 21st wedding anniversary. It was her anniversary AND the day she was told she was getting divorced. I don't care who you are, that sucks. Royally. So, they (being her future EX in-laws) put my sister on a plane, and now, she lives here in Vegas. The first week was rather shaky. She cried a lot. She was freaked out, as was to be expected. The second week was pretty good, she's definitely finding her "sea legs" or shall I say, "Desert Legs". During week 2, she decided to sign up with not only eHarmony, but Match.com as well. The girl is desperate, and let me tell you, desperation is the world's worst cologne and she's covered in it. Now I have to say, my ex brother in law was a jerk. No two ways about it, but like my nephew said it, "They're both in the wrong and I'm not taking sides." You kno...

I've always been a fan of Frank Herbert's Dune Saga. I started reading the books when I was in high school. I am always fascinated by stories of ordinary human beings being transformed, by their situations, into incredible leaders. A friend of mine told me recently, "You are a superior being. You are unlike any other person I know because everything you do is outstanding and you are completely unshakable. People live in envy of those traits but they are also intimidated by them. THAT is what makes things so difficult for you." When today's events passed and the news came that two of my friends were selected for the Members Advisory Board, I thought of that clip from Dune. "Again," Stilgar says, "it is the legend". I think of the Uruites that have sat on the MAB and all of them, like Paul Atriedes, has had to conquer "The Worm"; the bias and prejudice of our adopted world. However, those of us who have come before and braved the ...

Ok, so I've been job hunting for about 3 months. In most cases, with my degree, I'm over qualified for most jobs. It's always a "We'll make sure to get in touch with you", then a nothing or a "We found someone else". It's been frustrating to say the least. So, today, I head out for a job interview at a very large company. I'm not naming names, so don't ask. I walk in, check in with the receptionist and get escorted to their graphics department which is in a large warehouse. All in all, it was a very nice place with all of the neat gagets and gizmos that are inevitably a part of what I do as a graphic artist. Well, I come in and the staffer greets me, then she says, "hold on a sec, I'll be right back". She then gives me an 8 page test. EIGHT PAGES! I felt like I was requalifying and taking my final exam in Graphic Design School!!! Questions like: "What is the difference between a raster image and a vector image...

Dear God...here we go again. I have to say that my butthole is winking at the thought of having someone nominate me for the MAB. That's NOT a good thing. I DO NOT WANT TO BE ON THE MAB AGAIN!!! I swore up and down after the MAB term I went through in 2005 that I would NEVER sit on the MAB again. Well, 2 years have gone by. So has my view. Sure, I'll sit on the MAB again, but only if I serve that term with my good friend and mentor, Stungthumbz, and he's not eligible again for another 2 years. :D I swear, if anyone nominates me for this next term, I'm going to rip off both of their avatars arms and beat them repeatedly and forcefully over the head with them. There is not a snowballs chance in hell that I will serve another term WITHOUT Stung. For six months in the Fall of 2005, I spent every Thursday behind my computer screen, dealing with problems and with imbiciles and felt like I was the only one besides 5 others that did anything on my term. I worked my ass...

V.I.P., in most circumstances, means Very Important Person. Except last night I went to bed thinking that I wasn't a V.I.P. to anyone, much less one at the Private VIP event that was going on at the Las Vegas Springs Preserve tonight. My husband came home this afternoon and said, "Oh, and by the way, you're going to the Private Event tonight". I squealed. WOW! ME? Going to the VIP event??? COOL! I mean in the almost 15 years I've lived in Vegas I've been to, hmmm, 5 VIP events, always as arm candy, NEVER as a true VIP. Tonight was no different. I had been prepared for months not to be disappointed that I couldn't go to the VIP Opening. I was disappointed at first, but I thought better of it, thinking, "Ugh, having to get dressed up to be looked down at by rich people, uh, no thanks." So much less to say, I wasn't very prepared for this evening. I didn't have my usual "shit don't stink" swagger on, I got on the scale ...

Another week gone by in my world. LOL. First, I expanded my virtual surf shop empire...more on that when it opens...I don't want to talk about it yet. If anyone comes up and asks me about it, I'm going to rip their head off of their neck. Second, I have an exhausted husband that is at this point a walking talking (yet loving) zombie. Third, what do I see on the news? Some B.S. about Rosie O'Donnell (who I like) and that steaming, flaming BITCH Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Now first things first, I went on YouTube, looked it up and watched the whole exchange. OMG! Elisabeth Hasselbeck = Idiot. More than that though, a Republican, George W. Bush loving, non-commital, cowardly idiot. Watching that exchange between the two made me cheer for Rosie and made me want to just reach back and slap Elisabeth. THIS is why I don't watch daytime talk shows, I have better things to do with my time than watch American media. Ugh! It's such a propaganda machine. I have absolutel...

Marcus Aurelius in his book "Meditations" says: "Bear in mind that the measure of a man is the worth of the things he cares about. If it is good to say or do something, then it is even better to be criticized for having said or done it. Are my guiding principles healthy and robust? On this hangs everything." Book 7, #3. Are my guiding principles healthy and robust? For truly on THAT hangs everything. I've been sitting and thinking about There...God knows why I do it, I am the ultimate glutton for punishment. I think in my life, justice, honor, wisdom and altruism have to be the greatest of what qualities I wish to possess as a human being. Today, once again, the glutton for punishment that I am...I had to look in on the little Therians and what is going on in their lives. I kind of look down on them like a pack of high school kids with an imbicilic Principal. But there it was, and damn my nobility, I felt compelled to help. Now of course I know that me trying to...

I was just reading back over my posts for the last several months. I am just NOT kind to some folks. However, I will not apologize for a single word I've put in my blog because this is my vent space and a way to make sure I don't lose details about certain moments in my life. But sitting back and reading over my old entries, it made me sit back and wonder why I am so hard on people. Now, I know that some people have got the worms, there is always something eating them. I try my best not to be like that. But, there are some things that do irk me to no end, stupidity, injustice, lack of common sense, seeing bad people having good things happen to them while the good people are getting screwed. I guess it's the state of things in the world right now. I mean, George W. Bonehead, just now partially accepted that global warming is real. He kills children to line his own pockets. He forces people to fight wars that shouldn't exist and have no basis in fact. He blatantly...

Now THIS is beautiful. It's the Dream Sequence from Myst IV Revelation. Ok, couple that with this: You know, I went into There last night. For April Fools day, they put cat ears on dogs and made them meow. Oh Joy. I'm not into April Fools, it is just NOT what I'm about. I'm not a fool and I don't care if some moron somewhere back in time decided that on April 1 that everyone should act like an idiot Notice the videos, what is the one thing that they have in common... HIGH QUALITY!!! The graphics for my homeworld are gorgeous! Filled with tons of detail because Cyan figured out long ago that they could build an online world that is graphically intense without sacrificing quality. Anywhere else is just kid stuff. Thank Yahvo and the Bahro that I'm an Uruite.

My usual rant about There is the fact that There is filled with people who think of themselves as "Elite". You know, I used to go on huge honking tears about how those people don't get it, they are getting special treatment, how There is just a chicken-wire outfit with managers who care more about their personal pets than the rest of the membership of that world. Well, tonight, the glutton for punishment I am...well, I had to go looking in forums. And once again, this time I'm not even surprised, I just started laughing hysterically, when I read that one of the "developer favorites" got his hands on a model that no one else could, or was invited to do so. When I saw that, I just started to laugh because I know that the people who hate the "Elite" just grew exponentially. There it was, plain to see, that once again, the head of the developer program stepped on himself again. You know, I've heard the expression "Stepped on his crank" bu...

Well, Uru Live has launched! Yay!! Woohoo! I'm so tickled, I can't even express it. However, I want to know when people decide to completely lose all touch with their common sense. How a suggestion could be turned into a public flaying is beyond me. I'm serious, I posted a suggestion in the Uru Live forums and basically had my ass handed to me for it. sug·gest 1. to mention or introduce (an idea, proposition, plan, etc.) for consideration or possible action. Now nowhere in that definition does it say, "YOU MUST OBEY". I swear! People's heads fly up their asses in public forums. Just because they are anonymous behind a computer screen does not immediately allow them to make a horse's ass out of themselves. It is with disdain and a certain amount of loathing that I deal with people who pass judgement on others without just cause. Their common sense just flies out the freaking window. Now what disappoints me the worst is that these are Uru people that are doi...

Now, I'm a pretty laid back person. Actually, I'm as easy going as it gets. Yes, I can be a little high strung, and yes, I can get a little rowdy and upset at times, but for the other 90% of the time, I'm easy going...trust me, if you had the life I had before I got married, you'd be laid back too in just sheer relief that I WON'T be going through that again. Plus, because I'm taking Zoloft, I don't get upset very often anymore. For the time being, since he had total knee replacement surgery, my father has kindly loaned me his car. I'm his chauffeur on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's to take him to physio and drive him around town to do his errands. My husband, as I've said a million times is and AWESOME guy...and I mean absolutely fantastic. I've been in a mean catch-22 for the last year and a half. If I don't have a car, I can't get a job, If I don't get a job, I can't have a car. It's the most frustrat...

I've been noticing this more and more...that every time I go and do something, later on, someone comes back and is amazed that I just did more for them that other people have or would have. Well, I'm ten days out of completing my second month on Sertraline (Zoloft). Now, for someone who likes to dwell, has a nasty case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression and has the beginnings of Rheumatoid Arthritis, I was pretty miserable all the time. I just couldn't get over how some people just couldn't accept good people and take what they were handing out at face value. I kept questioning why, WHY were people so bent on hurting other people when it takes less effort to do something kind and polite, enriching the world around you? That was mixed with suicidal tendencies , in other words, I just couldn't wait to die. I started smoking when I was 18 because I couldn't come up with any other way to kill myself then by smoking. Yeah, that's it, Lung Cancer...an...